Domestic Violence

Dating Violence and Domestic Violence (also known as Intimate Partner Violence or Relationship Violence) occurs when there is abuse in a relationship. It's not just physical abuse. It also includes other abusive and controlling behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over the other partner, such as:

• Emotional and verbal abuse - insulting and calling a partner names, constantly criticizing, isolating a partner from family and friends, monitoring a partner's activities, humiliating a partner, threatening a partner, damaging a partner's belongings, blaming a partner for the abusive behavior, or gaslighting a partner by pretending not to understand, questioning facts, and denying statements or actions.
• Financial abuse - using money to control a partner.
• Sexual abuse - forcing a partner to engage in non-consensual sexual activity.
• Digital abuse - using technology and the internet to bully, harass, stalk, intimidate, or control a partner.

Abuse can occur at any stage of a relationship. 

People of all ages, races, genders, sexuality, religion, education level, or income level can be victims or perpetrators of abuse.

Source: National Domestic Violence Hotline

• 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men in the US will experience rape, physical violence and/or stalking by an intimate partner.
• 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men in the US have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
• Almost half of all people in the US have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
• 81% of women and 35% of men who experienced rape, stalking, or physical violence from an intimate partner reported significant impacts like injuries or symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
• 12 million people per year are affected by intimate partner violence - that's an average of 24 people per minute.
• 1 in 10 high school students have experienced physical violence from a partner in the past year.
• 43% of dating college women report experiencing violent and abusive dating behaviors, including physical, sexual, digital, verbal, or other controlling abuse.

Source: National Domestic Violence Hotline

Anyone can be an abuser. The majority are not violent outside the home, and 90% don't have criminal records.

Traits of an Abuser

• Denies the existence or minimizes the seriousness of the violence and its effect on the victim and other family members.
• Objectifies the victim and often sees them as their property or sexual objects.
• Has low self-esteem and feels powerless and ineffective in the world.
  • They may appear successful, but internally, they feel inadequate.
• Externalizes the causes of their behavior.
  • They blame their violence on circumstances such as stress, their partner's behavior, a "bad day," on alcohol, drugs, or other factors.
• May be pleasant and charming between periods of violence and is often seen as a "nice person" to others outside the relationship. 

Warning Signs

• Extreme jealousy
• Possessiveness
• Unpredictability
• A bad temper
• Cruelty to animals
• Verbal abuse
• Extremely controlling behavior
• Antiquated beliefs about roles of women and men in relationships
• Forced sex or disregard of their partner's unwillingness to have sex
• Sabotage of birth control methods or refusal to honor agreed upon methods
• Blaming the victim for anything bad that happens
• Sabotage or obstruction of the victim's ability to work or attend school
• Controls all the finances
• Abuse of other family members, children or pets
• Accusations of the victim flirting with others or having an affair
• Control of what the victim wears and how they act
• Demeaning the victim either privately or publicly
• Embarrassment or humiliation of the victim in front of others
• Harassment of the victim at work

Source: National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

You can help victims of domestic violence by intervening in a safe manner, by offering assistance, and by generally working to create a culture of respect. 

• Bystander Basics (NO MORE)
• Friends & Family: How to Help (National Sexual Violence Resource Center)
• Supporting Others (National Domestic Violence Hotline)

National Resources

• National Domestic Violence Hotline (English and Español)
• National Sexual Assault Hotline (English and Español)
• Love is Respect (English and Español)

Community Resources

• Family Services of Southeast Texas